My Buddy, The Cigarette Pusher

You quit smoking, good for you. Expect a pat on the back, maybe a small cake. What you don’t expect? Your best friend, ‘John’—yeah, that’s his name, very original—turning into your personal nicotine dealer. Apparently, my man couldn’t handle the self-improvement. Jealousy, pure and simple. Like I stole his last good joke. Comedy.

Every day, ‘Hey, want a smoke?’ It’s like he thought I was just pretending to quit, or maybe he just wanted company in the slow, smoky demise. But a real genius in the comments, Bascule2000, shared a tactic: his friend would accept the cigarette. Then, get this, stick the butt of it up his nose. And offer it back. Up the nose! That’s not quitting, that’s performance art. Talk about a subtle hint. A polite ‘screw you’ with a side of nasal tobacco.

Another commenter was hoping for a ‘casual toss off the balcony’ followed by, ‘that was great, can I have another one?’ Now that’s commitment. But this ‘John’ character, seriously, some friends are just…shitty. Like Killpop582014 pointed out, plain and simple. They can’t understand why you’d ditch the bad habits, whether it’s cigarettes or, like blueboy714’s story, alcohol that causes seizures. Not a choice, buddy, that’s a medical emergency. We having fun?

So, next time your pal tries to drag you back to your vices, don’t just say no. Get creative. Maybe a little nasal defiance. Just make sure it’s not lit, you know? Safety first. Because some friendships, frankly, are just bad habits you haven’t quit yet. And unlike John’s generosity, those are actually worth tossing. Me? I’m still working on getting rid of my bad habits. Mostly. Probably why I’m still talking about this.