How I Used Kohl’s Policy the Way a Lab Rat Uses a Lever

I bought a vacuum from Kohl’s in October for $250 (normal price: about $330) and got $50 in Kohl’s Cash. Black Friday dropped the price again. Kohl’s wouldn’t price match — so I obeyed their policy with the clinical patience of someone cataloguing stamps.

I read the fine print, executed the exact three-step ritual the policy allowed (return, refund, repurchase), and walked out with the lower price and the promotional cash intact. It felt less like theft and more like following a particularly boring set of patch notes until the game rewarded me. As one helpful Redditor put it from inside the machine: “I actively encourage guests to use every workaround they can to save money.” That line is a civic thesis statement.

Result: vacuum purchased, Kohl’s policy honored, my moral ledger suspiciously clean. The machine cleans carpets; I just cleaned up the terms and conditions.