Take you to court? Okay... (but bring a tow strap and a Geo Metro appraisal.)

“Take you to court?” That’s the kind of thing adults say when they’ve run out of emotional capital and want to reroute a minor parking-lot ding into a televised legal drama. It is, crucially, also what you say when whatever was damaged is older than half your family’s phone chargers — the sort of thing Reddit calls a “beater” (1993 Geo Metro, 2004 Explorer, 20‑year‑old Prius — pick your relic).

Here’s the postmortem: parents push a newly licensed kid into a car that’s held together with thrift-store optimism and prayer, kid backs into a mailbox, adult declares “court.” Meanwhile, the comment section serves as a registry of automotive archaeology: “My son drove a junker Toyota…we decided to sell it for $1000,” “There’s no ‘speeding around’ in those things. 60mph in 12 seconds, going down a hill,” and someone in Alaska paying more for a 2004 Explorer than sense allows. These are not cars; they are slow-moving arguments about depreciation.

Final note: threatening litigation over an object whose market value is measured in nostalgia and muffled rattles is a strategic misfire. If you really want to escalate, file in small claims — where the judge will be impartial, the paperwork merciless, and probably the only person in the room who understands that a Geo Metro’s top speed is a legal defense. Take them to court? Okay. Bring receipts, tow rope, and a calculator that still thinks 2006 was ancient history.