“Fine—I'll Take Lunch Then”: A Speedrun Sabotaged by a Sandwich

This is gonna be a quick one: my job’s unwritten rule was “when you’re done, go home,” so I speedran the shift by skipping a 30‑minute lunch and two 15‑minute breaks and ghosting at 4:30. Efficient, slightly hollow, statistically optimal.

New boss wanted to look like leadership and probably said something like “We expect everyone to take their breaks.” Fine. Malicious compliance is mechanically simple: I took the 30‑minute lunch and both 15‑minute breaks, with solemn punctuality (sandwich, thermos, and the company clock as witnesses). Every minute I’d formerly shaved off to earn an early exit was now reinvested in exactly the legally allotted downtime.

Co‑workers cheered in the comments with the exact reasonable verdict: “Take your breaks. You deserve them” and “Get the work done and let’s go home.” That’s the point—the rule wasn’t about productivity, it was about optics. So I complied perfectly: did the work, performed the breaks, and left precisely when policy allowed. The speedrun category got retired. Boss: clipped. Me: fed, rested, still paid.