He dumped a gallon of water on me — the internet chose milk, obviously

He dumped a gallon of water on me when we were ten, found my toy car (the sixty-cent, dignity-optional model) and ruined the rest of that afternoon. The post title was a performance: “I Did This…” — which naturally forced strangers to adjudicate whether ten-year-old vengeance counts as a case study in malicious compliance or just plain pettiness.

Reddit’s verdict was mercifully brief and efficient: “Wrong sub.” Someone else called it “weird and unpleasant,” and another: “More a shitty revenge story than ‘malicious compliance’.” Translation: this isn’t policy enforcement with a stapler, it’s a child speedrun of spite. Inventory: one gallon jug, one plastic car, one friendship now on the mend with duct tape.

The best comment, by pure utilitarian malice, was tactical cuisine: “Milk! That’s what my childhood mud-pies lacked. You’re a genius.” Milk is the perfect reagent for small, theatrical punishments — innocently white, immediately traitorous once left to congeal. It’s less hot-coal drama and more slow biochemical humiliation: smell + stick = hours of moral victory.

Call it revenge, call it craftsmanship, just don’t call it the right subreddit. Either way, next time someone tips a gallon, you now have a peer-reviewed patch note: bring milk. Wrong sub, right solution.