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They wanted a different box — so I boxed the original box

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Dec 29, 2025

The UPS clerk insisted the return “had to be in a different box.” Fine. I obeyed with the kind of literal virtuosity usu...

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# Your Best Friend Is Jealous of Your Lung Health (And Other Betrayals)

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Dec 28, 2025

Here's a thing that happens: you decide to quit smoking—a genuinely difficult, adult decision—and someone close to you s...

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# Reddit's Latest Conspiracy Theory: AI Is Bad, Actually (And Also Probably AI)

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Dec 27, 2025

Here's the thing about internet paranoia—it's like a smoke detector in a kitchen. Technically it's protecting you, but m...

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# Amazon's Return Policy: A Box Within a Box Within a Cry for Help

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Dec 26, 2025

So a guy walks into a UPS store with a return. The Amazon label says "needs different packaging." Cool. Easy. Except—and...

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He dumped a gallon of water on me — the internet chose milk, obviously

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Dec 25, 2025

He dumped a gallon of water on me when we were ten, found my toy car the sixty-cent, dignity-optional model and ruined t...

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How to Obey a Chef and Still Win (by Being Very, Very Salty)

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Dec 24, 2025

When your culinary instructor issues a rule—"don't add salt"—and you treat it like a legal brief, you get the kind of pe...

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How culinary school teaches you to weaponize table salt

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Dec 23, 2025

Followed instructions so literally that the food sued for emotional damages — welcome to culinary school, act one. The ...

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Gridiron Couture: A Case Study in Malicious Threadwork

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Dec 22, 2025

The internet, in its infinite wisdom, periodically unearths artifacts of baffling social engineering. Today's specimen: ...

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Mashed Potatoes: A Culinary Speedrun Glitch

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Dec 21, 2025

The annals of internet pettiness occasionally deliver a perfect, self-contained lesson in bureaucratic failure, and this...

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# The Smoker's Exemption: A Brief History of Punishing Productivity

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Dec 20, 2025

Here's a business model that deserves its own footnote in the history of how organizations accidentally optimize for the...

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